Sunday, October 22, 2006

Fall Blossoms

So, summer has ended and we’re days away from Halloween 2006. There’s been a lot of things on my plate to distract me the past two months, including a couple business trips (South Beach and San Jose) but I suppose the real reason this memoirs blog took the back burner was because I had reached a pivotal point in this process and wasn’t quite sure where to go next.

When I began this project I wanted to document my life in Philadelphia in the 1980s. There were plenty of stories to share and I felt that this would be as good an avenue to get them out – both for myself and for anyone bored enough to read through.

Over the first three months I went from simple documentation of events to opening up the hermetically-sealed container that is my past. I had some interesting revelations while sharing my story and the threads that connect all these memories – but by June I felt that I had tapped myself out.

I think what started as a history lesson became a cathartic release of emotions that had been pent up for two decades. With each story posted, I took a deeper and more fulfilling breath – and came to realize that although many of the friends, locations and culture that surrounded me during those years are gone – the memories are just as strong as ever. They are what keep me alive, since they help me shape who I am today.

It’s not a coincidence that I am known as the new wave DJ in Philadelphia – I didn’t create Sex Dwarf or Land of the Lost because there was a void and a chance to make some money. I did and continue to do both because they keep me grounded and in touch with who I am.

Also, by investing so much time, money and creative juice into Sex Dwarf and Land of the Lost, I am developing new fans of the genre as well as sending out an open call to those old friends that grew up on this … each friend of Sex Dwarf and Land of the Lost helps me feel less alone in the world. Since, in many ways, they are replacing those friends that I’ve lost over the past twenty years.

People email me about how much they love Sex Dwarf. The funny thing is that I am grateful for their love and support since it is more than a party. It is me. It makes me feel rounded and grounded. I love the Sex Dwarf family more than they realize sometimes. And I am the one that is most thankful.

So, that brings me to this memoirs blog. Over summer, when I was at a crossroads with this project and time was tight in my life, I began to lazily post the same thing in both this blog as well as in my Live Journal and my My Space page … not really giving much thought to the process.

I’ve realized that THIS blog is designed for my memories – not just of the 80s, but in general. I want this blog to remain the space where I share my emotions with myself (and those of you reading). I’ve received some wonderful comments on my style of writing and such – and it has made me realize that perhaps writing is the portal that allows this unemotional spirit to be emotional after all.

I will continue to use Live Journal for casual comments about life and to spread the word of the various things I’m producing and creating – and I’ll probably copy my Live Journal posts over to my My Space blog, just to share those same thoughts with that circle.

But this is where I will be me, to me. It’s important to have an outlet and not water it down by distributing it like a press release on my life. This is my online home – its where my roots are, in the form of memory posts, and it is where I finally rediscovered myself emotionally.

The discovery continues.

To those reading – thanks for being part of it.

1 comment:

Kurt said...

i had a feeling it would come to this...and im glad :)