Saturday, August 18, 2007

A Full Circle

I remember reading once that those who give the best relationship advice, tend to be single people. I’ve believed that, since I have been single most of my adult life and always offer sound tips on how to handle relationships.

Over time I realized that one of the reasons I was able to share such pearls, was due to my ability to be detached from many of life’s emotional experiences. I’ve always been one to look at the practical side of things – versus reacting or processing situations from an emotional plateau.

With the exception of a codependent and draining life experience, I’ve been single since 1986. That odd experience – which I refuse to call it a relationship, even though people classified us as boyfriends at the time – lasted a few years, cost me well over ten thousand dollars and hundreds of hours filled with emotional heartache. It did one good thing however. It showed me some major flaws in my character and allowed me to see how not to win a heart.

Since that faded away – thanks mostly to my own internal and spiritual growth – I’ve become at peace over the concept that I am simply a single man. I’ve gone through cycles in my life where I longed for the companionship of another man to where I simply found my fulfillment through my circle of friends and my social outlets.

However, a decade or so ago – just years after I moved back to South Street in the 90s – I stumbled upon a human spirit that intrigued me; his energy, his passion for music and life was quite similar to my own. He was one of the few people that, whilst in my presence, took such command that I locked up and said nothing.

Grant it, he was in a relationship anyway – so with the exception of just befriending him – there wasn’t much more that I could, or would, do.

Years went by and we traveled in the same circles – each within one or two degrees of separation from the other.

I always pined for this man – but never spoke aloud my feelings. Partly due to his situation and mostly because I just assumed it would be a useless task.

A month or so ago, we crossed paths, thanks to an opportunity that placed him in my world. Following that experience, in casual conversation, he revealed how strong his feelings have been towards me for oh so many years.

I could barely breathe. The spirit who, deep inside I craved, craved me. We had a marathon conversation over instant message, where we explored our pasts – and realized just how connected we have always been.

From that moment, it has been a whirlwind experience. I, a self-proclaimed independent, detached, unemotional sort, have allowed myself the refreshing – no, exhilarating experience of a pure and cleansing emotional shower.

There are moments when I feel as if I am being excavated … gingerly dusted off after years of being buried in layers of internal fears and frustrations. As with a paleontologist, he has steady hands and a passion and desire to preserve. I am grateful for his patience.

And, as much as I have been proud of my professional life, I've realized that I was lacking pride in my personal world ... thanks to John's love and understanding, I now am comfortably proud of ME, completely.

For the first time in 20 years I have allowed myself to be cared for by someone. For the first time in 20 years I have allowed myself to be intimately appreciated by someone. For the first time in 20 years I have allowed myself to be loved by someone.

Most importantly, for the first time in 20 years, I have allowed myself to love someone in return.

23 comments:

Gillian said...

I absolutely could not be happier for you. :D

Marilyn said...

Happy does not even begin to describe how I feel for your status right now! You, more than anybody I know, deserve this!

Anonymous said...

You have no idea...

Anonymous said...

what a glorious post.........although we have never met personally I am quite fond of you sir drake and it does my heart good to hear you r happy and have found another soul to share your life's experience with,I pray for all good things to come from this relationship and for you to find true happiness :-)

Nicole said...

You deserve this sweet heart, I'm so happy for you!

Jackie. said...

Robert! This is fantastic news! I am so happy for you (and him - he must be a wonderful person to be your guy!!!). Much love and happiness to the both of you!!!

Jackie.

theblueroom said...

And I simply say YAY! again.

Lindsay said...

YAAAYYY!!!!! I am so happy for you I could poop live pink and purple My Pretty Ponies that dance, sing and blow bubbles. You really deserve it.

Years ago I had a similar awful codependent soul sucking relationship that cost me in the neighborhood of fifty grand, as well as all my self-esteem. So knowing that you're happy now really resonates for me. Best of happiness in the future!

Anonymous said...

Hey Robert,

It should be well noted that writings such as your most recent are what make this ephemeral stuff worthwhile. I've always wondered how you ended up alone. It seemed impossible that you wouldn't have brilliant candidates among your admirers to chose from. But whatever.

It was an insight to read. And your vibe is well-appreciated. Best to you amigo.

-Bryan

brandy101 said...

Hooray!!!

I hope my prayers for you helped nudge this forward! I'm sure it didn't hurt, anyway. ;)

Take care.

Anonymous said...

Oh Robert! My heart is bursting with happiness for you!!!!

It's wonderful how you two came upon each other in the place that you are now - you'll (both) be better able to give each other what you need.

I'm so, so happy for you, babe.

xoxxo

Ella

Chris Krakora said...

I'm happy for you as well. It's good to be loved.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you! Although you & I have never met, I too enjoy reading your posts & blogs and have a sincere respect & admiration for you.

I hope at the very least, this new person in your life brings an awakening that brightens up your spirit even more.

Good luck! Here's to love!

Mike said...

To paraphrase one of the corniest phrases in our language..

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT.

For once it is relevant when I said that corny phrase. Finding this love is much more than finding love in another, it is finding love in yourself.

Hopefully this completes you or at the very least begins a long loving cycle of not only an outward pouring of love but also the inward receiving of love in turn. It is this multi-directional love that completes us, never the solo love. So congrats, enjoy the love induced goosebumps and butterflies and keep them active and alive in your days and most of all, in your love.

Funny how and when Cupid decides to strike ain't it :)

"LOVE" your brother,

Mike

Anonymous said...

The last two times I saw you I thought you looked wonderful. You seemed so different....the same......yet different, lighter. Of course now I understand the reason. I'm really happy that you found a good person. I myself have been single since the early 90's. I want my next relationship to be the real deal- love. If that doesn't come along I'm happy the way I am today.

Just be happy Robert- you deserve it!

Hugs*
Liz

Anonymous said...

Robert,

I just read your post and, I must say, this helps me understand you a whole lot more. I wish you all the best on your journey and I'd love to buy you a drink and chat in person some time (I'm a much better communicator in person than online).

xoxo
ricky!

Anonymous said...

just when i wanted to introduce you to someone, you go and get in a relationship! good on you though!

you seem like a decent fellow...with excellent taste in music I might add!!

Citizen said...

Robert,
How did I miss this before? Congratulations to both of you -- I hope you know what a catch you are. You're one of the most intelligent and creative people I've met since I came back to Philly a few years ago and you should be happy!

Love,
Amy

Adrienne said...

Love it, love it, love it! Wish I had read this pre-Rittenhouse, but that's okay, I'm thrilled to read it now :) You deserve awesomeness!!!!

The Divine Ms. Jimmi said...

Mazel Tov!! That's great!

chineseroulette said...

This may be the first time I"ve re-read a blog straight through twice when my name wasn't in it - I am SO insanely happy for you, Robert! (and that's a whole heap of extra Happy For Robert Insanity quite separate from my usual daily supply)

Anonymous said...

Hi, Robert! I've finally read this blog and, though, like another "anonymous" poster above, we have never met in person, it is nice to hear this story. It's nice to hear that you are able to still be yourself while sharing life with someone else. Enjoy it all!

Rachel R (from myspace)

Valorie Zimmerman said...

Oh, Robert -- I can't believe I missed this momentous post when you made it! I'm so happy to hear that you have found the man of your dreams and desires, and that he has found YOU, the lucky, lucky man! You are such a wonderful person, and deserve perfect happiness.

Enjoy it, dear Robert!

Valorie